My toughest critic.

I'm strapping Elise in her carseat when she notices I woke up late and look crappy today.

E: Mommy did you miss your makeup today?
M: What do you mean? Is there some extra somewhere?
E: No. I just don't see any. I think you missed it.
M: Oh. You mean skipped it? I did put make up on, but maybe I didn't put on as much as usual.
E: Maybe *I*miss it. I usually prefer a little more on you. Why are you wearing those shoes?
M: Because I left my high heels at work. Don't worry, I'll change them when I get there.

E: Do you need to go back in the house and start over?

Cootie Play

Overheard between 2 cooties.
Cootie 1: Oh man. I don't feel so good.
Cootie 2: Why not?
Cootie 1: Well, I think it's because my head fell off.... Oh there. That's much better.

Cootie 1: Wait. What is that terrible stink?
Cootie 2: Oh. That's just my farts.
Cootie 1: Could you please help me take my head off again?

Car talk...

E: Is there also a Father's Day?
M: Yes there is. Father's Day is in June.
E: Oooo... I'm so excited!
M: Well it's a long time from now. You have plenty of time to think about it.
E: I know what daddy wants. I already know what his present will be.
M: Oh yeah? (I'm really curious) What would daddy like?
E: His own..... PAINT ROLLER!!! Not a big one, but a little one. Just for daddy!
M: A paint roller?
E: Yes. One of those little tiny pink paint rollers. Don't tell him please. Please Mommy, Please. It will ruin the surprise.

Unjust punishment

Elise is very upset. She got in trouble today at school and had to sit on the wall (time out).
She was only trying to be funny and make jokes.
She said "Anyone raise your hand if you want me to punch you in the head!"

Apparently her teacher didn't think it was that funny. She insists that it was very funny and her teacher was wrong.

She dresses herself

Most people know that. I am well aware that my child walks around like a movie star although she looks like Janis Joplin in the later years. Yesterday was no exception. Pink flower dress, flower tights, a bright pink sweater - all in various shades of pink. Not THAT bad. At least it all fit. The accessories may have been a little over the top. She wore bright pink flowered Minnie Mouse sunglasses, a pink rose flower girl headband, pink and purple necklaces and bracelets... it was all very, very pink.
Most people in public look at her and smile. We give each other knowing glances as they tell her how lovely she looks and ask her how old she is.
In the mall restroom yesterday, one lady stopped and stared in shock and horror. She looked completely disgusted and muttered "Wow. She looks um, she's just very, um, she's um..."
She was lost for words and clearly did not approve. I interjected, "Done up? Yes I know."
Lady (still completely disgusted says back to me), "Wow. Yes, she's very done up for such a..."
Elise looks at the lady, looks back and me and says loud and clear, "Wow. She's very old for a grandma."