Copy cat

M: Put that down and start eating your dinner.
E: "Put that down and start eating your dinner."
M (dirty look): Elise!
E: Sorry.

pause

E: Can you keep talking though? I'll just copy you inside my head.

Wishes

E: Ah... NUTS!!!

M: What's wrong?

E: I just accidentally wished on an airplane. Now all my hopes and dreams are going to fly away.

Connections

Mom! I just made a connection between Crocker and Crockpot.
(Crocker is the math teacher from Fairly Oddparents cartoon)

M: Oh yeah? What is it?

E:
1. Crocker and Crockpot both start with the sound "crock" and the letters C-R-O-C-K.
2. They're both tools.

New math

Circle + Chicken Foot = Peace

The future

Elise was talking to me about her future. She wondered out loud what her future would look like, then declared in her future she would be a lizard.

M: How are you going to be a lizard in the future? I'm not sure how that works.

E: You know. When I die and turn to dirt. Next time I want to be a lizard. I hope a lot of people choose puppies though. Even as a lizard, I'd love to see more puppies around and less people.

Is this from The Lion King?
And a lizard?

Rhyme time

Elise made a new rhyme today...

You can't impress your teachers,
If you don't have fetching features.

Poor Mark

So there's a kid in Elise's class named Mark. Poor Mark has been told that he's the smartest, most gifted, brilliant little man in the whole world. He repeats it on a regular basis. He's been telling all the kids that he's a genius. A real genius and that the Lord God blessed him by making him smarter than all the other children.

So Elise told me yesterday that she has this funny joke where she whispers to him in a chant: "You're not a genius.
You're not a genius.
You're not a genius."

She says it over and over until he gets up and screams "I AM A GENIUS!" and has to go sit in the naughty chair. She thinks it's the funniest damn thing in the world. I asked her to please stop taunting Mark because he clearly can't control himself. She said she'd try, but can't make any promises.

Thoughts on helping out.

I ran into Elise's teacher at school. She said she's a great student and a joy to have in class. She has tons of one liners and is very funny. She prides herself in being a good classroom helper. She loves to help the teacher and the students who are shy or hesitant.

I talked to Elise last night about it. I told her I was really proud of her for being a great helper in class.

She said that was nonsense. She doesn't help anyone. In fact, if she were a Wonderpet she'd just sit in the flyboat all day telling Ming-Ming what to do.

I guess what happens in Kindergarten stays in Kindergarten.

First Day of Kindergarten

Today was Elise's first big day at school. She was ready. I really wasn't.
On the way to school this morning, she told said, "Mom? I'm really going to be fine all day without you. Does that make you feel sad?"

I told her it made me proud and happy to know she'll be fine.

Honestly, I'll still hold my breath until she steps off the bus this afternoon.

Hungry puppy

Conversation overheard in the back seat between Elise and her puppy.

Puppy: Mommy, I'm hungry.
Elise: I'm sure you are. You did have a really busy day. What would you like to eat? Kibble?
Puppy: Just throw some cheese in my pie hole. I'll be fine.

Moving on...

With a heavy sigh and somber tone, Elise announced:
"Well Dad, I quit my job."

D: Oh yeah? What job was this?
E: Kindercare. I had my last day already.
D: Oh, THAT job.
E: Don't worry. I won't be home long. My new job starts soon - in about a week. I'll make new friends and learn lots of new things. It'll be just fine. You'll see.

And I'm sure it will.

That'll wake you up

Joe gets up before dawn for work. Many nights he "accidently" falls asleep before bedtime.
Last night he was laying on the couch, watching TV and dozing off.

All of a sudden, Elise runs into the room with a pillow yelling "This is what you get... FOR TRYING TO IGNORE ME!!!"

Then assaults him with a barrage of pillow hits.

Fruity Pepples are the devil

So, I went against my better judgment and bought a box of fruity pebbles. I saw a really cute fruity pebbles marshmallow treat made into an ice cream sandwich on Pinterest. It was a adorable. I was weak.
This morning my little morning grump rubbed her eyes, refused all hugs and kisses as she usually would do in morning and muttered quietly "I want breakfast".
M: What do you want?
E: Toast.
M: We're out of bread. We need to go to the store today.
E: Waffles.
M: No waffles either.
E: I guess I'll have cereal. Ooo! Do we still have fruity pebbles?
M: (reluctantly) Yes. Yes you may have fruity pebbles.

She sized up her first ever bowl of fruity pebbles saying "Smells great." Then with a laugh "Looks like a big bowl of garbage." She happily ate every last pebble.

Today was a really long day chalk full of bad behavior, sass mouth, "Go to your room" and tears.
The child is in bed. The fruity pebbles are way down at the bottom of the garbage.
They're pretty, they're gluten free, but apparently they are actually a bowl of garbage. Garbage that makes my kid insane.

I'm writing this down in hopes that I never forget.

Thoughts on tears

E: Sometimes when I laugh really hard I get tears in my eyes.
M: That's normal. It happens to everyone.
E: OK. Good. Sometimes it also happens when I cough really hard or don't want to swallow my food.
M: That's normal too. Tears happen for lots of reasons. When you're hurt, when you're sad, when you feel sick or tired... Some people even cry when they're really, really happy.
E: That's never happened to me.
M: Someday it will. When you're just so happy you don't know what to do, your eyes start to cry.
E: I bet that would happen if you got me a puppy.

Overheard in the family room

Dora: What is Boots holding? Can YOU tell me what Boots is holding?

Elise: What are you blind or something? He's standing right next to you.

Must slow down.

Every morning in our house is a scramble to get out the door. I'm not really a morning person and it's quite evident that Elise isn't either. She gets distracted so easily. Somehow "Put on your clothes" translates to "Stand on the couch in your underwear with a beenie baby on your head for 5 minutes" and "Brush your teeth" means "Go find a long stick and a flashlight then try to get your little tiger out from behind your bed because he certainly can't stay there alone all day."

This morning was no different. Rush, rush, rush. Nag, nag, nag.
I open the car door, shove all our things in. Elise is standing in the middle of the driveway.
"Elise, we have to go. I'm going to be late."
"Come here mom. I have something to show you."
"But we're running late! OK. Make it quick. What is it?"

"It's perfect today. Look. Feel it. It's just perfect. It smells so good and feels nice on my skin. Did you ever see such a great day?"

It was perfect. Still, warm, sunny, beautiful.
"Thank you honey for sharing that with me."

"See. You didn't want to miss that, did you?"

No. No, I didn't.

Foster the People - Pumped Up Kicks

I admit I was concerned when Elise told me this was her favorite song ever. It's about running from guns. It's a bouncy, catchy tune with a disturbing message.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDTZ7iX4vTQ&ob=av2e

She asked if it hurt my feelings.
Me: I don't like all the words, but why would it hurt my feelings?
E: Because the children are tired of their moms kissing them all the time.
Then went on to sing:
"All the other kids who are done getting kissed - you better run, better run, better outrun my mom. All the other kids who are done get kissed - better run, better run, faster than my mother."

Awww... so sweet.

E: Mom? Daddy thinks you're really pretty.

M: Really? Did he say that?

E: No. I can just see it.

Poor Dad

E: Daddy is my little puppy your friend?
D: He sure is. My best friend ever.
E: Is it because you both have hair all over you?


later on...
E: DAD! I need your help!
D: What is it?
E: Can you wipe my butt?
D: You can do it!
E: I can't. Mom and I both painted our nails. They're still wet so you're the only one who can wipe my butt right now.

Martin Luther King Jr.

E: Why don't you have work on a Monday? Is is Columbus Day?
M: No. It's Martin Luther King Jr Day.
E: Whoa. That's a long name. What is it for?
M: MLK was a really good man who...
E: Is he dead?
M: He is now. A long time ago it was pretty common for people to be mean to one another because they look different or have different color hair or skin. MLK was an activist who told everyone how wrong and mean that was. Everyone is a person and deserves to be treated equally.
E: Did he get rid of bullies?
M: He helped get laws passed so people couldn't be bullies anymore.
~silence~
M: What do you think of that?
E: I think he needs a catchy name. Like Santa or Jesus or something.